


Settle Your Mind and Reveal Who You Are: Part 4

by Alias_Slashley



Series: Daydream Disbelievers [4]
Category: The Monkees, The Monkees (TV)
Genre: Jork - Freeform, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 13:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 14,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18447719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alias_Slashley/pseuds/Alias_Slashley
Summary: Peter navigates the situation that he just discovered about Davy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [9xblue](https://archiveofourown.org/users/9xblue/gifts).



Peter rubbed his forehead.

_Where am I? How did I get down here?_

He glanced around at his surroundings and noticed that he was in an alley sitting on the ground up against a brick wall. He felt very light headed and was trying to figure out what was going on.

_I must have fainted, but why?_

Then Peter heard an all too familiar verbal exchange. He tilted his head up and saw a window. He felt like he was going to be sick. Moments before he had witnessed his boyfriend, the love of his life, Davy interlocked in a kiss with none other than Daisy. This was a nightmare. There was no time to think about anything more though because Peter heard the door next to him start to creak open.

“Thanks again, Mr. Buchanan,” Peter heard Davy call out.

Peter scrambled up even he was still feeling woozy and bolted in the opposite direction of home. The last thing he needed was for Davy to accidentally see him or catch up to him, especially since Peter could tell that he was moving slower than normal right now. It was difficult to tell though because besides the light headedness all Peter felt was numb. He could only tell he was moving because stationary objects seemed to be going past him at a slower rate than usual.

There were no emotions present right now and Peter decided that it was in his best interest right now to keep it that way. No emotions meant no pain and no pain meant that things were okay…Right? It seemed like the best idea was to keep moving even though the destination was unclear. When Peter arrived at the right place he would know. It would give him time to get himself together so he knew what his plans would be once he went back home.

He had to go back home eventually and face things. No one knew where he was at so Peter assumed nobody would be too concerned with how long he had been gone. _Especially Davy_ , he thought. Nope, Peter quickly buried that thought deep inside. He was not ready for this yet. So he continued to walk aimlessly through the streets that were growing darker.

* * *

 

“Excuse me, sir, can I help you?” a snooty voice asked.

Peter was startled and banged his hands on the piano keys in front of him.

He had wandered into a hotel that had a piano bar inside. The bar was closed for another 20 minutes and Peter saw no one around and decided to start playing what was in his heart. A melancholy tune began to spread to the corners of the hotel and guests were flocking into the bar to listen, even though the lights were still off and there was a velvet rope in front of the door. Peter hadn’t even noticed that a crowd had enveloped the space; he was too caught up in the music. Which is why he was alarmed when the concierge approached him.

Peter looked around the room at the patrons all waiting with bated breath for him to continue. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how I got here.”

“Are you a guest here?” the concierge demanded.

“No, I guess I just wandered in.”

“Well, then I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

Peter nodded and stood from the piano bench. Several guests began applauding him. Peter was embarrassed and his cheeks began to turn crimson. He hadn’t meant for anyone else to hear him; music was just the best way to get things out of his system. A man shoved a 20 dollar bill in Peter’s hand and he absently took it as he wandered to head down back onto the street.

It was now fairly dark outside. By time Peter made it home it would likely be pitch black outside, although there was a full moon to light his way home. Peter realized he had walked farther than he had noticed and it was going to take a good 45 minutes to walk home. That was okay because he hadn’t thought of anything at all; an excuse as to his whereabouts, why he was so down, or what in the hell he was going to do about Davy.

He shuffled along the sidewalk and allowed himself to replay the scene that had brought on this turmoil. There was Davy in his memory washing dishes, splashing a blond, and…No it was too much to watch that scene over again in his mind. Peter shook his head hoping that the memory would fall out and be left behind.

What could he do about this? There were so many options. Pretend nothing happened and let Davy keep cheating on him in the hope that he will realize how much he appreciates Peter. Not a chance, Peter couldn’t play a dummy _that_ well. Confront Davy and see what he has to say for himself. Peter didn’t think he had the stomach for that at the moment. Just break it off quick like a band aid. That would be messy; there were too many moving parts with the band. And besides that Peter still loved Davy.

_This is a living nightmare._

Peter ran his hands down the length of his face. Suddenly he heard the familiar sound of gunfire. Peter ran into an entryway of a building and peeked outside the window in fear. People tended to fire guns at him and his friends often for various reasons, but off the top of his head he couldn’t think of anything they had done lately. That’s when he heard another recognizable sound and saw a car sputtering and smoking as it tried to make its way down the road.

Peter put his hand to his chest in an effort to ease the heart palpitations. To think, he had such a reaction to something that he wasn’t even sure of…That’s was it! If Peter wasn’t even sure of the difference between a gunshot and a car backfiring, then how could he be sure his eyes weren’t deceiving him before? Plus he had fainted, and how could he know for certain that his mind hadn’t made the last bit of that Davy/Daisy situation up? His mind could very well be playing tricks on him.

Peter emerged from the entryway and quickened his pace back home. His mind was already racing with ideas and possibilities. He was going to lay low and investigate this further. Hopefully, he wouldn’t give anything away. Peter remembered though that he had kept this crush a secret initially for quite some time. He was able to keep this development inside for the long haul. A feeling of hopefulness welled up inside him, he yearned to be wrong.


	2. Chapter 2

“Whoa, Shotgun,” Mike said looking at his watch. “You’ve been gone for hours. I was starting to get a little concerned since I didn’t know where you went.”

Peter was a mixture of anticipatory nerves and all around anxiety. He was sure that Mike would see right through him but he was going to try what he had thought of on the way home.

“I decided to make a little money playing guitar in the park.”

“That sounds plausible…besides the fact that A) you didn’t leave with a guitar, B) you don’t have one now…”

“And C) that you didn’t invite me,” Micky interrupted.

“I did have a guitar, Mike. You just weren’t paying close enough attention.”

“Then why don’t you have one now?” Mike asked.

“Maybe I sold it again for a map to a treasure.”

“That sounds like something he would do…again,” Micky chimed in.

“See I even made $20.”

“But none of the guitars seem to be missing.”

Micky put his arm around Mike’s shoulder. “It’s okay, buddy. You’re just losing that dad touch that’s all. You’re getting older and your mind is starting to go.”

Mike shrugged Micky off of him. “I am not losing it! I promise you he didn’t have a guitar!”

“Sure, babe. I think we need to get you to bed,” Micky said patronizingly.

“Well, alright. I am a bit tired. But…”

“This ain’t over,” Peter and Micky said in unison.

Mike pulled back the finger he was pointing in their direction. “Maybe I am losing my touch.”

When he shut the door Micky looked in Peter’s direction. “I don’t believe you either, but I figured that you didn’t need Mike on your back right now for whatever reason you’re lying.”

“Thanks, why aren’t you bothering me about it too?”

“The way I see it, everything around here comes out eventually. I’m waiting for you to come out with it or slip up more. The chase is okay but waiting around for it seems better this time around.”

“Gee, thanks Mick,” Peter rolled his eyes.

“Don’t mention it,” Micky said obliviously. “I’m surprised myself that you weren’t with Davy since you all are attached at the hip.”

“Is he not home or something?”

“No, he’s in your room.”

“Did um…” Peter was hesitant to ask this. “Did he ask about me?”

Micky looked at Peter awkwardly. “No, actually. I assumed he maybe already knew what you were doing. He seemed to almost have more of a pep in his step today.”

_Great, this isn’t looking good._

Peter didn’t even respond, he decided to pull the band aid off and see what awaited him in the bedroom. If fate was on Peter’s side there would be a sleeping Brit on the other side of the door.

* * *

 

Peter quietly opened the door as he had so many times before. And just like those other times, what he was expecting/hoping to find was not the case. Davy was fluttering around the room getting ready for something. Peter thought for a moment before Davy noticed him and couldn’t remember any plans that Davy could have had.

Davy looked up and noticed the frozen Peter in the doorway; this should have been a normal sight by now. “Hey, I’ve been wondering where you were at?”

Peter shrugged. “Nowhere special.”

“Well I’m sure it was special if you were there, darling,” Davy said charmingly. “I’m so glad you found something constructive to do with your time.”

Peter was hesitant to be fully open to the conversation after the events of the day. What exactly did Davy mean by that last comment? He couldn’t help smiling though. Davy calling him a term of endearment always got to him. He could feel his insides turning into a gooey mess. He needed to steer the course of this conversation before Davy caught him more off guard and made Peter turn the plan around in different direction.

“What are you doing getting ready for something so late?”

Davy stopped in his tracks and Peter swore that he saw the smaller man’s body tense. “Oh, I was going to dinner with…that friend of my grandfather’s T.N. Crumpets.”

“Whatever for?”

“He called up and asked for a favor of sorts. I’m going to see what it’s all about.”

“Seems kinda late for an older gentleman like that to be out.”

“I assume it was just the only time he had available.”

“I haven’t seen you all day. Want me to go with you?” Peter asked as more to challenge Davy than he actually wanted to go.

Davy stiffened even more as if he wasn’t prepared for that question and didn’t quite know how to answer it. He took a long pause before answering.

“I think it would be improper to bring a surprise guest out with an acquaintance. Don’t you?”

Peter was disappointed. That was a test and so far Davy was failing…Or maybe he wasn’t. Peter was getting mixed signals from his head and his heart.

“Sure, I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Peter sauntered over to his bed dejectedly and lay down with his head and shoulders propped up against the head board.

After Davy seemed satisfied with his appearance in the mirror, he came over to Peter’s bed. He looked at Peter in his eyes and brushed some stray hairs away.

“I know that we’ve been spending a lot of time together and that you miss me now that I’ve been away more. Believe me I miss you too, but at the same time it’s freeing to have your own activities to do outside the relationship. I feel like it makes us appreciate our time together even more. Don’t you agree?”

Peter let out a long sigh. “I guess so.”

Davy offered a polite smile and kissed Peter’s forehead. “I knew you would.”

Peter felt uneasy about that kiss. It didn’t feel like it usually did. Normally, Peter would get butterflies and his face would turn red hot. This kiss was different. The only way Peter could describe it was that it felt dishonest, like there was no true meaning behind it. Could have been the polite smile that accompanied it…Or it could have been that nagging feeling that Peter was trying to ignore. That Davy was being unfaithful.

“Hey Mate; I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Promise me you’ll leave the light on.”

With that Davy gently shut the door on the conversation and any lingering hope that Peter was having about this situation.

* * *

 

“Bye Davy, see you later,” Micky called after the closing door.

His farewell was immediately followed by a jacket hitting him in the face.

“Peter, what are you-“

Peter marched out and pulled the confused drummer off the couch. “Come one, we’re going out.”

Peter practically dragged Micky out the door as he hopped on one foot trying to put his shoes on.

“I’m all for a crazy scheme Peter, but what exactly are we doing?”

“We’re following Davy,” Peter said absently.

“What!?! Why?” Micky shouted in surprise.

“Shh!” Peter commanded covering his mouth. “He’ll hear us.”

Peter began to tiptoe and duck behind corners as he followed Davy down the street with Micky shadowing his every move.

“Okay, I’ll whisper then. Why are we following him?”

“I’ll explain later. He just seems like he’s up to something.”

“Why do you think he’s up to something?”

“I don’t know maybe because Mike’s already in bed and Davy’s out walking the streets at night with mysterious dinner plans.”

“Did he tell you what he was doing?”

“Yes.”

“Then why are you so suspicious of him?”

“The excuse didn’t make sense, he got visibly uncomfortable while telling me, and I think I saw something earlier,” Peter whispered. “I thought you were up for this scheme, what’s with all the questions?”

“I just like to know what I’m getting myself into, that’s all.”

Peter stopped moving for a brief second to give Micky a look of skepticism. “You’re the definition of not having things planned out.”

“Okay, I’m nosy then,” Micky admitted.

“You don’t need to know everything.”

“Then why did invite me?”

“I needed another set of eyes for this one and honestly as much as I hate to admit this, I think you’re my best option. I needed those hovering skills.”

Micky paused and touched his chest with his hand. “I’m touched.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Would you hurry up? He just ducked into that restaurant and I don’t want to lose him in the crowd.”

“I’m starting to think that you may be bossier than Mike on these missions,” Micky sighed as Peter pushed his head further down so Davy wouldn’t see them both peering into the restaurant window.


	3. Chapter 3

“The nerve! The travesty! The honesty!” Micky said dramatically as he and Peter reentered the Pad.

“Okay, Micky you’ve made your point that’s enough.”

“I just can’t believe that Davy was going around telling you the truth like that and actually was doing what he said he would be doing. I for one am appalled.”

“Noted. I’m sorry I disturbed your night. You didn’t have to come with me you know.”

“What do you mean? You drug me out of the house in a frenzy. I could barely comprehend what was happening.”

“Next time, I’ll do my sleuthing on my own then,” Peter said irritably.

“Well now, let’s not be hasty. I didn’t say I didn’t want to go on anymore missions. I was just stating the obvious that maybe your letting your mind play tricks on you.”

“Trust me, I know that. Hence the sleuthing. I need to be sure before I say something stupid.”

“Huh, it seems like you usually don’t put that much thought into the things you say.”

“Good night, Micky,” Peter said aggressively as he headed for his own room.

“Whatever you say, boss. I’m ready for duty on my sidekick responsibilities tomorrow. I’ll be the Watson to your Sherlock. The Robin to your Batman. The Jones to your Nesmith.”

“Good night,” Peter reiterated shutting the bedroom door.

Peter needed to make it look as though he hadn’t left the house and had been sleeping the whole time. He didn’t know what time Davy would be back. He and Micky had stayed longer watching the dinner than Peter wanted to admit because he was wracking his brain more than anything.

If Davy was doing something as innocent as that dinner then why did he become so tense when asked? He seemed like he had something to hide and was trying to make up an excuse as he went along. Maybe Davy had so many lies swarming in his mind that he had to make sure of what he was actually doing. Perhaps he had a guilty conscience. Or Peter could have just been making him nervous and uncomfortable. Had Peter come on too strong with the questioning when he came home?

Peter was leaning closer and closer to the idea that he had imagined Davy and Daisy in the shelter. Then why would he faint? Maybe his blood sugar was low. Maybe seeing Davy in that element took his breath away. Maybe he caught a whiff of something foul in that alley. One thing that certain was that the investigation needed to continue until Peter had the answers he was looking for.

As he climbed underneath the covers, Peter began to wonder about what would happen if everything turned out to be true. What if Davy really was cheating on him? There was absolutely no way Peter could forgive and forget something like that. His world had been turned upside down during their secret courtship and he couldn’t put himself through something like that again. Constantly worrying and wondering if at any moment Davy could be unfaithful.

Peter willed his mind not to travel there any further. No sense in upsetting himself when there were possibilities to the contrary. Also, this was a two way relationship and if something was amiss it needed to be discussed as a couple. Peter doubted that he was going to get any sleep even though he was exhausted from the long, trying day. He snuggled up on the edge of the bed leaving space for Davy if he wanted to share a bed tonight. Though Peter wasn’t sure if he himself would be comfortable with that, he knew that the results would be telling.

* * *

 

* _Gasp_ *

Peter jolted up in bed. He had been having a dream that he was drowning in quicksand filled with lies, deception, and suspicions. Worst of all, Davy had been standing by watching Peter struggle to get free. It took Peter a few moments to catch his breath and realize where he was.

It was confusing; he hadn’t expected to fall asleep at all being so keyed up. He noticed that the sun was shining. Peter rubbed his eyes and reached for the watch on his nightstand. 9:30! He slept pretty soundly too. Peter surveyed the room and couldn’t even tell if Davy had been there at all. Everything looked the same…well as best as Peter could remember because he wasn’t paying too much attention to anything. The bedroom light was off, which meant something since he did leave it on for Davy. He guessed that was a good sign.

Peter flopped back down on the bed and rubbed his face. He wasn’t ready to start this day because it was moving further into this spying process. The work sounded exhausting, the partner in crime sounded tedious, and the possibility of results were gnawing an ulcer in Peter’s stomach. No matter how you sliced it, this mission was going to be emotionally taxing, with either betrayal or guilt. Peter wasn’t even sure if he was ready for this but he kind of had to be. It was either face it now or deal with it later when things were getting deeper and worse.

As Peter lie contemplating peeling himself out of bed, the bedroom door creaked open and Davy tiptoed inside. He noticed Peter was awake right away and smiled at him.

“Hey sleepyhead, you were knocked out last night.”

“I realize that, I didn’t even hear you come home.”

“I came back at around 11 and you were sound asleep. I don’t even think Hurricane Micky could have roused you.”

“Hmmm,” Peter tried to carry on the conversation but couldn’t think of much more to say.

Davy must have noticed that Peter was a bit distracted. “So my dinner was okay. Mr. Crumpets just wanted to reconnect. I think he misses having English people around and takes what he can get.”

“That’s good.”

“Yeah…I didn’t want to disturb you last night since you looked so peaceful,” Davy said taking a seat next to Peter on the bed, “so I slept in my own bed. I gotta say I was lonely over there without you.”

“You could have come over here. I left you space.”

“I guess I could have…Are you okay?”

Peter looked over into Davy’s concerned eyes. He wasn’t doing a good job at convincing Davy that things were normal. It was difficult to act like nothing was going on when there was so much floating around in Peter’s mind. It was impossible right now to even think of an excuse for his current behavior. Peter was digging into the crevices of his mind and coming up empty.

“You don’t even have to say anything,” Davy interrupted.

Peter perked up interested in Davy’s interpretation of events. Maybe he was about to confess something. Peter braced himself for impact and closed one eye in anticipation. Davy wasn’t even looking at him.

“I’ve been gone a lot lately and things aren’t as they used to be.”

Peter waited for the bombshell of why things weren’t the same. The admission of infidelity. That Davy didn’t love him anymore. That Davy was abducted by aliens and had a body transfer. Could be anything.

“I have to admit that I was having a bit of a rough time,” Davy explained. “I’m not used to having longer term relationships and I don’t necessarily know how to act.”

_Act like you want to be in it maybe?_

“So I’ve been running away and spending time away from the house…”

 _Here it goes_. Peter closed his eyes tight.

“…in order to not feel so constricted by this relationship. It’s not fair to you that I’m letting my cold feet get in the way of something great.”

Peter cracked his eye open. So there would be no admission of infidelity…if that was even what happened.

“I want to make it up to you today. Are you willing to let me do that? Make things right again. You mean so much to me and lately I’ve been doing a poor job showing you that.”

Peter looked Davy straight in the eye. He was genuinely concerned about Peter’s feelings and the overall state of the relationship. Although, Peter wasn’t concerned about anything at all until yesterday’s events. But here Davy was trying to make up his absence to Peter. He was being sweet and considerate. Maybe Peter could put things aside for the day to see what Davy had to offer. This could something else that would give Peter more insight into Davy’s actions and body language. Maybe his guilt had been making him so tense last night.

“Of course, Babe,” Peter managed a stiff smile.

Davy smiled, “Okay I’ll meet you out there when you’re ready.” He closed the bedroom door.

Peter was a mixed ball of emotion about this one. He was happy to spend time with Davy and also couldn’t shake that nagging in the back of his mind that said something was not right. Well he was going to have to pull it together for now and gather some background information maybe about Davy’s actions while they were out.

Once Peter was dressed he went out in the common area to meet Davy. Who he actually ran into though was a Micky bubbling over with anticipation.

“Okay Big Peter, I’ve mapped out the plan for our next stake out. I feel like we need to go to the shelter and spy. Now I’ve got an alibi and costumes all you will need to provide is…”

Micky was interrupted by Peter clamping a hand over his mouth. “Shh! Davy’s home and we’re going out. Do you want to blow our cover?”

“He’s home today?”

Peter nodded, “So we can’t be plotting…Hey Davy.”

Davy emerged from the bathroom and looked curiously at the suspiciously close dynamic duo. “Are you ready to go?”

“Yes, I am. I was just telling Micky how we were going to be going out.”

“Sleeping with the enemy, huh?” Micky said under his breath.

Peter jabbed him in the ribs with an elbow.

“What was that, Micky?” Davy wondered aloud.

“He’s just making lewd comments as usual,” Peter only half lied. “Let’s get going, Love. See you later, Mick.”

Micky was doubled over in pain. Davy gave him one last curious look before vanishing out the door.


	4. Chapter 4

And Peter had thought that he was the only person that could organize such a terrible date. Maybe organize wasn’t the best term…more thrown together. Because that’s what this time with Davy seemed like, it was thrown together last minute in order to make amends with Peter for something. It was almost like Davy didn’t know anything about Peter at all or that the things Peter would have liked were out of the realm of possibility today.

Firstly, they seemed to walk in circles for 45 minutes trying to get somewhere that was nearby the Pad. Davy tried to make some lame excuse about how he was trying to throw Peter off the scent, but Peter could tell that Davy had not even considered where to go or what to do. Maybe he was nervous which was sweet or maybe he was just inconsiderate. As they walked Peter couldn’t help but remember that all the little couple things that they had done so far were planned by Peter. Perhaps Davy just wasn’t good at these things. He was starting to wonder if Davy planned out his dates with Daisy or not, but immediately pushed those thoughts aside.

When they arrived at the destination it was a coffee shop. Peter was taken aback when they went inside and Davy ordered himself a drink and then told Peter to do the same. Peter wasn’t able to since he actually didn’t drink coffee, tea, or any other hot beverages since he had a habit of burning his tongue severely and didn’t care much for the taste to begin with. He ordered nothing. Davy seemed embarrassed that he had no idea about Peter’s aversion to the drink and took his to go. He seemed to feign that he just needed this on the way to the next stop. Then why did they take such a roundabout way to get there?

Next they meandered over to the tiny aquarium near the beach. Once they got there the sign on the door said ‘Not Open During Construction.’ Peter knew the aquarium had been out of commission for a few weeks and was quite a bit of time away from being open again. Once again, Davy tried to make it seem like he was just trying to leave Peter in anticipation, but Peter could tell that Davy was becoming annoyed and uncomfortable with the situation so far. His cheeks were turning red. Instead of walking beside Peter to even spend some quality time of a nice walk together, he was huffing and puffing forward seeming like he was trying to wrack his brain to think of the next stop.

Generically the next stop was the movie theater, which was only playing a foreign film with no subtitles. Davy claimed that he had heard this movie was romantic and had been dying to take Peter to it. Turned out that the movie was about a monster attacking a city and there was no romance aspect to it whatsoever. And for some odd reason the theater was almost full so there was no opportunity for the closeted lovers to connect with handholding or anything. When Peter did try to subtly make some sort of contact with Davy, he moved away so abruptly that he spilled soda all over Peter’s hair. Peter wasn’t even sure why the cup had been up high enough to do that to begin with.

Peter went into the bathroom in the theater to try to wash the stickiness out and an older man in the bathroom commented on him being a dirty hippie that needed to bathe in public. That was not something Peter needed to hear after this date was wearing on him. He had stayed in the bathroom longer staring at himself in the mirror. He wanted to believe that Davy was trying his best to make this day great for Peter. And if he didn’t have suspicions right now Peter would have given him the benefit of the doubt. But this poor excuse for a date was telling Peter more and more that he was the last thing on Davy’s mind. He couldn’t even care enough to be just thoughtful of being with Peter; he was more focused on doing things to try to prove something.

When he had left the bathroom, Davy was waiting for him and apologizing. Maybe it was because Peter was irritated but he was not believing anything Davy was saying was sincere. It was also bothering Peter that his reaction to Davy was negative. But he couldn’t hide what was going on and Davy had to know that things were not going well.

“Can we just call it a day?” Peter asked flipping cold wet hair out of his eyes as they walked.

“What with the other things I have planned?” Davy feigned confidence. Peter wondered which one of them he was trying to convince.

“Well, my hair is soaked.”

“That just means that the last stop is perfect.”

“I don’t know if I’m up for any more surprises,” Peter said exasperatedly.

Davy seemed to finally pick up on the signals that Peter was sending. “I know things haven’t been going the best but you can’t give up now. It has nowhere to go but up, right? We have been spending time together which is nice.”

Peter stopped in his tracks. “Define spending time together.”

“What do you mean? We’ve spent all this time together.”

“We’ve certainly been together in the same space, but that doesn’t equal being connected. I mean we could have been walking along in stride having great conversations about the weather, our thoughts, or anything. Instead you’ve been running around town like a chicken with your head cut off trying to convince me that you’ve put any time or effort into planning a day together.”

Peter hadn’t meant for the conversation to take this turn. He also didn’t mean for what he said to come out a harshly as it did. Maybe that’s what Davy needed to hear though. Peter had pent up emotions over what he had possibly seen and there was no outlet for it. Davy’s piss poor attempt at a relationship today was just solidifying that the possibility of what he had seen was more likely a reality.

It looked as though Davy had no idea how to respond to this. Usually that smooth talker could talk his way out of anything, but he just stared at Peter. The blank look was back. It was not concern, irritation, or anything like that. It was just nothing. And boy did that make Peter’s blood boil even more.

“Thanks for…whatever this was supposed to be. I think I’ll head back by myself and you can finish this date with the person you truly care about….you.”

With that Peter stalked off towards home hoping that he wouldn’t be followed. He didn’t even stop to look back to see if Davy was heading back with him. He needed time to cool down.

* * *

 

“King me, Nesmith!”

Mike shook his head. “First of all Micky, I’m not playing anything with you after that Uno fiasco last week. Second, we aren’t even near each to be engaging in any sort of common activity. Third, you don’t even have checkers out…it’s Yahtzee.”

“You take all the fun out of everything. Just because you’re losing,” Micky complained scooping up the dice.

Peter slammed through the front door of the Pad and nearly knocked over Mike who was trying to get as far away from Micky as possible.

“Whoa there! Steady, Shotgun! Where’s the fire?”

Peter stopped in his tracks trying to make sense of the words just spoken to him. He had been fuming over Davy’s bogus date and potential infidelity that he wasn’t even quite sure how he had exactly made it home. He had been in such a fury that it was a miracle that he didn’t burst through Mr. Babbitt’s door. Peter caught the breath that he hadn’t noticed he was out of and surveyed the confused/concerned look on Mike’s face.

“What’s on fire?”

“That’s what I’m asking you,” Mike explained. “It’s a figure of speech, meaning why are you in such a hurry?”

Peter felt dumb since he would have known exactly what Mike was referring to under normal circumstances. However, he was too on edge to make sense of anything or think of an excuse right now.

“I’m not in a hurry.”

“Could’ve fooled me,” Mike said throwing his hands up in the air. “You know everyone is so secretive and edgy lately that I’m just going to mind my business and stop asking questions.”

“Don’t give up that easily, Mike!” Micky protested. “Sometimes you just need to insert yourself underhandedly for that kind of information.”

“Great, since you’ve got that all figured out, I’m going to leave the job up to you,” Mike said ascending the staircase.

“Alright! I’ve been promoted to dad,” Micky celebrated. “Now Peter, go to your room and think about…whatever.”

“Gladly,” Peter deadpanned.

Peter went into the shared bedroom and glanced around. Everything in the room seemed to be aggravating him at the moment. The room was a testament to everything that was going wrong at the moment. Of course there were Davy’s belongings, but also so many memories of moments past. Some memories beautiful and heart wrenching like when Davy professed his love. Some difficult to swallow like seeing Davy reading the letters. And some that were difficult to read like all the blank stares and unanswered questions. Peter had the urge to start throwing things in order to crush through the reflection of memories. What was that going to help though? Sure in the moment Peter would feel satisfaction, but that wasn’t going to make the pain go away.

This struggle was beyond Davy being an inconsiderate boyfriend. It was the betrayal and uncertainty that Peter was feeling recently. Something wasn’t right and Peter kept pushing it back further and further in his mind, but it always would come creeping back. Peter couldn’t even lie to himself and say that the issue solely revolved around Davy. He was angry with himself. The way he was choosing to handle the situation by sneaking around and not speaking up. The way that he allowed himself to believe that Davy could really commit himself to one person. And even the idea that he didn’t necessarily know if his suspicions were true which brought up an immense amount of guilt.

Peter knew what the best thing to do was. Confront Davy. Check the situation out. But it wasn’t that easy. Standing in the way was that nagging fear of the unknown. What would be Davy’s response? What did Peter hope for? How would this change things? What did the future hold? The fear of those questions being answered was much too painful to consider. The alternative was being miserable as opposed to the possibility of being miserable. As far as Peter saw things this was a lose-lose situation. It was either lose still being with Davy or lose being without him. The way that things were shaking out from today though, Peter wasn’t quite so sure which path was the lesser of two evils.

Peter was relieved that Davy had not followed him home or at least close enough behind so that Peter could have space to decide his next move. He didn’t want to talk about things, but what else was there to do? He technically didn’t have to bring up Daisy. That conversation could wait for another time, although there was no time like the present. Maybe that was a better conversation to have when Peter wasn’t so heated. Peter lay back on his bed and tried to calm his nerves with some deep breaths. He knew that he wasn’t going to have the answers about where to go next until Davy entered the room.


	5. Chapter 5

Peter heard some stumbling out in the common area of the Pad. He had been waiting in anticipation for an hour for Davy to show up. Thoughts kept clouding his mind about what Davy was doing. Was he moping along the beach? Thinking about how to make things up to Peter? Ditching Peter permanently for Daisy? The thoughts weren’t ceasing or helping. And this chaos that Micky was no doubt creating outside the door was not helping quell Peter’s irritation.

The door knob began to turn and Peter waited for Micky’s nosy face to peek through. Instead, after much difficulty opening the door, a sloppy looking Davy entered. He stumbled around trying to close the door again. His hair was in disarray and his shirt was untucked and hanging off one shoulder. Peter knew what was going on before he even opened his mouth. Davy was drunk.

“What the hell?” Peter blurted out.

Davy seemed jarred by the comment as if he didn’t know that Peter was there. “ ‘ello Love.”

Yep, definitely drunk. His accent was always thicker and he dropped consonants when this happened.

Peter was shocked. He had been with him only an hour ago and now he was looking haggard and terrible. Maybe this was indicative of some feelings of guilt on Davy’s part. Outwardly worn-down equaled inwardly worn down.

“Pete-Peter,” Davy sauntered over to Peter’s bed where Peter could get a good whiff of alcohol. “I’ve missed you.”

“Seems like you’ve been doing something to fill that void,” Peter commented attempting to wave away the alcohol scent.

“Listen, Baby. I feel horr-horr-real bad about tha’ date. I wan’ to make it up to ya.”

Before Peter could say anything else, Davy dove on top of him and smashed their lips together. He could taste the whiskey on his lips. Peter was taken aback and did not want to relent to the gesture, but he was trapped underneath Davy’s muscular physique. Being drunk sure made him dead weight. In an instant Davy had unbuckled Peter’s pants as well as his own and was making reaching gestures towards Peter’s member. As Peter felt the graze of Davy’s fingertips inside his underwear, he abruptly pushed the smaller man back onto the floor.

“What the hell are you doing?”

“Makin’ things up to ya, Love. I know you wan’ to be more intimate wit’ me and I’m finally ready for it.”

“Oh, I see you had to get hammered just so we could have more physical contact because you couldn’t possibly do this sober.”

“No, no, s’not that a’ all.”

“Then what is it?”

Davy seemed to sober up a bit more and grit his teeth. “Y’know I don’t get you. You always bloody want my body and then when I offer it to you, you don’t want anythin’ to do with me.”

Peter could feel the anger that had been slowly growing over time coming to a much anticipated boil.

“Gee, maybe it’s the fact that it isn’t very appealing to be with someone that needs to be half-cocked to touch a cock,” Peter shot back sarcastically.

“I am not…okay maybe I ‘ad a little to drink,” Davy admitted.

Peter thought for a moment. Davy seemed to let his true self out while intoxicated and was more honest than he usually was. Was it a good time to pull at that thread? To ask the questions bubbling up inside him. About yesterday. Maybe even about his feelings in general. Was it wise to just get things over with or to not throw fuel on an already out of control flame. Davy was getting up off the floor with great difficulty. Peter decided that it may be a good time to get some information but not all of it.

“Can you possibly comprehend the way that would make someone feel? Thinking that you needed some sort of stimulant just to not be repulsed to be with them.”

“Who said that I am repulsed to be with you?”

“You don’t have to say anything,” Peter verified. “Your actions show that you cannot be intimate with me sober. Every time I’ve tried to make a move while you’re sober, you come up with an excuse about not being ready yet. Now all of a sudden you’re ready. How is that supposed to make me feel?”

“That a body full of liquor knocks down my inhibitions?”

“Be that as it may, it makes me feel like you don’t want to be with me at all and that you’re just doing this now to make up for something that you think you did wrong. Like you’re guilty of something.”

Davy was silent which could have either been a good thing or a bad thing. He could have just been taking in all of what Peter said and was reflecting on how things have been. Or he could have not wanted to out himself for being unfaithful. Peter wasn’t sure which scenario it was so he treaded lightly on the subject further.

“I want our firsts together to be meaningful and it can’t be when you’re a wasted. End of story. I’m starting to wonder about other things in this relationship too.”

Davy perked up and looked Peter in the face. “About what?”

Peter took a deep breath. “For instance, if you can’t be with me sober, do you need to be drunk so I look more appealing? I know that I’m no Davy Jones myself, so the question of if you’re even attracted to me comes to mind.”

Davy sat down on his bed so that he was opposite Peter. Their knees were touching and Davy made the gesture to put both hands on the sides of Peter’s thighs. And although the previous contact had made Peter recoil, this new development was making his knees weak.

“Look at me,” Davy said as Peter obliged. “I think you are a stunning creature both inside and out. You are the most loving person I have ever known and the fact that you have this beautiful outer package to wrap it all up is more than anyone could ask for. Of course, I’m attracted to you. I could never pretend about something like that.”

Peter breathed out a sigh of relief and was finding it hard to continue to meet Davy’s gaze. That eye contact was intense right now and Peter focusing on himself as someone else gave him compliments was never something he was comfortable with. He didn’t know how to proceed and luckily he didn’t have to.

“I feel awful that I’ve been making you feel that way,” Davy touched Peter’s cheek with his hand. “I guess when it comes to love I’m just as inexperienced as the next person.”

“Don’t say that! We are learning the trials and tribulations of this love thing together. I think we can both agree that this is unfamiliar territory for us both.”

“I know when to admit wrongdoing though and you can’t tell me that I’m not doing more wrong than you. You haven’t done anything in this relationship that has caused me to feel unloved. I need to know what else to do to make things right.”

Peter was touched. Maybe he had pegged Davy all wrong. He was just a man trying to navigate a relationship with another man...hell a relationship in general since the guy had very little experience with making something last. He was making a valiant effort that couldn’t be ignored. Peter didn’t want to bring up anything else because he didn’t want Davy to feel bad or that Peter was complaining too much.

“Everything is fine.”

“No, it most certainly is not. I know you Peter and if you are in a place where you are going to let me have it by pushing me on the floor there has been something on your mind.”

 _Damn._ Peter scrambled in his mind to think of something to pass off as the entire issue. It was not the time to bring up spying on Davy and questioning his fidelity when things were improving at this very moment. Peter didn’t know exactly what would be Davy’s reaction to the accusation or confrontation and he didn’t want to risk this blissful moment. Although that situation gave Peter an idea about what he could talk about.

“Well, I have felt like the reason behind you going to the shelter to volunteer was to get away from me.”

Davy readjusted himself in his seat and breathed out slowly. “Honestly, I was giving myself a break. I’m not used to being in this intense of a relationship and it was making me feel claustrophobic. I need a way to separate myself because I thought I would start distancing myself in other ways, like emotionally. I didn’t want to do that to you…to us, so I made the decision to back off to give myself space.”

Peter was a mixture of hurt and understanding about this new revelation. It stung that he was too much for Davy or at the thought of himself smothering someone else with his love. He was embarrassed that he seemingly couldn’t be alone for two seconds and made Davy suffocate. He understood that Davy needed space and at the same time Peter didn’t want space. He wanted to be with Davy every moment so he didn’t miss anything. His head was swimming and that’s why he didn’t thoroughly think through his next statement.

“So you don’t want to be with me?”

Peter cringed right after the words left his mouth. He knew that’s not what Davy meant. He felt sad and pathetic with how that sounded. All Peter needed now was Davy to be put off by his incessant whining and baby like behavior.

Shockingly Davy’s face looked more devastated that annoyed. He lifted Peter’s now lowered chin up with a crooked finger.

“Of course not, Darling. I love you. Give me another chance to make it right, please?”

Peter gave slight nod as his eyes welled up with tears. Partially from embarrassment and partially from happiness at the way Davy was treating him right now. Of course he would give him a chance to make things right. Peter leaned forward and embraced Davy. The smaller man was positioned so that his head was on top of Peter’s lowered one and he was stroking Peter’s hair. Everything was perfect…that is except for the weight of things that remained unspoken.


	6. Chapter 6

“Peter I’ve got everything here binoculars, grappling hooks, Chinese throwing…why aren’t you dressed yet?”

“Huh?”

Peter was in a daze and struck out of it when Micky started snapping his fingers. Peter hadn’t even heard Micky droning on and on beforehand.

“What do you mean ‘huh’? This was your idea. Why aren’t you wearing your sneaking around attire? I laid it out on your bed for you.”

“Oh is that what that was for?”

“What else would you need a ski mask for in California?”

“I’m sorry, Mick. It seems that you’ve gone to a lot of trouble…”

“It’s not every day that I’m approached to use my expertise on a mission. Actually it’s never because Mike won’t let anyone, but what he doesn’t know can’t hurt him.”

“About that…you see I don’t know if I want to keep doing this…” Peter trailed off.

Micky’s jaw practically fell to the floor. “Excuse me? I must have not cleaned my ears well enough last time. Did you just tell me you’re bailing on this mission?”

“I think I am.”

“But this was _your_ idea!” Micky practically yelled. “You roped me into this, almost against my will…”

Peter gave Micky a skeptical look.

“Okay, not exactly against my will. But you’re the one that was so gung ho about finding out the truth and now you’re just giving up. What gives?”

Peter didn’t know exactly what to say. He was doubting himself more and more by the day. Maybe he had made the whole Daisy thing up. Davy was truthful about his whereabouts the first night they spied on him. And he was so apologetic and wanting to make things work after that disastrous date yesterday. Peter was leaning very close to the side of trusting Davy and letting his suspicions fall to the wayside. Trusting your intuition was not always the proper thing to do, he learned that when he bought that treasure map. Trusting seemed to be the better plan.

“It’s just…I don’t know,” Peter stammered. “I’m having a hard time believing that he would intentionally do something like that to me. Before when things were hurting me, he wasn’t doing it on purpose. He didn’t know what he was doing. Maybe my mind played tricks on me. I want to give him the benefit of the doubt.”

Micky nodded. “I can see that, really I can. Wouldn’t it just give you peace of mind though to check it out? If you’re wrong then at least you’re completely sure.”

Peter was quiet as he considered his options. Go ahead with this mission and find out for sure; pro- he knows, con- he knows something bad. Live in ignorant bliss; pro- being with Davy, con- looking stupid. He wanted to just avoid finding out if he had been right all along. If he never spied again then it meant that nothing ever happened right? If a Davy cheats when no one is around to see it, did it actually happen?

“He made such an effort last night that I want to believe that I’m wrong.”

“Why not be sure?”

“Because what if I’m not wrong?” Peter finally spoke the words he had been avoiding.

Micky looked at Peter for a long time silently before speaking. “I couldn’t even begin to tell you.” It was the most empathetic and sincere that Peter thought he had ever heard Micky be.

Peter nodded. “I need some time to decide.”

Micky bowed his head. “I’ll be here.”

* * *

 

Peter had been contemplating his choices for an hour and was no closer to making a decision. There were pros and cons to everything and it all was so evenly matched. It seemed that there were no answers coming his way. Peter put a pillow over his face. This was not going well. Maybe he needed a break. He reached over and switched on the small radio on his nightstand.

_“…They say that breaking up is hard to do. Now I know, I know that it’s true…”_

Peter changed the station.

_“I don’t like you, but I love you. Seems that I’m always thinking of you. Oh, oh, oh you treat me badly…”_

Switch.

_“One is the loneliest number that you’ll ever do...”_

Switch.

_“You keep saying you got something for me. Something you call love but confess. You’ve been a’messin’ where you shouldn’t have been a’messin’. And now someone else is getting all your best.”_

Switch.

_“You’ve lost that lovin’ feeling…”_

Switch.

_“…Though you keep on saying_

_You really, really, really love me_

_Do you speak the same words_

_To someone else when I'm not there_

_Suspicion torments my heart_

_Suspicion keeps us apart_

_Suspicion why torture me_

_Ev'ry time you call me_

_And tell me we should meet tomorrow_

_I can't help but think that_

_You're meeting someone else tonight_

_Why should our romance just_

_Keep on causing me such sorrow?_

_Why am I so doubtful_

_Whenever you're out of sight”_

Peter angrily turned off the radio. “What is with this music today? Is everything against me?”

He flopped back down on the bed and covered his eyes with his arms. Were these signs? That was ridiculous. The radio can’t possibly be sending him signals about what to do about Davy. Or could it? This was extremely frustrating. Peter was getting a headache from all of this overthinking. He didn’t have the energy to keep up with this thought process at the moment. Unluckily for him, at that very moment the object of his obsessive thoughts sauntered in. Good thing they didn’t go spy today because he was home early.

“Peter, are you okay?”

“I’m just dandy,” Peter said muffled from his own arms.

“I’m having a difficult time believing that.”

“You’re back early,” Peter commented trying to divert the conversation.

“Yeah there wasn’t much going on there today, so I didn’t have to stay the entire time. Which is perfect because then I get to spend time with you.”

Peter’s face lit up from under his arms. How could he possibly think that Davy had any ill will towards their relationship since he rushed home to be with him? He began to rise up from his lying position to take in Davy’s no doubt pristine appearance.

“Well that does cheer me up…what the hell is that?”

The ‘that’ to which Peter referred was a crimson stain on Davy’s shirt collar.

“What’s what?” Davy said twisting his head around looking at his surroundings.

“Uh-uh, nothing _near_ you, something _on_ you,” Peter got up a rushed over dragging Davy over to the mirror by the shirt collar. “This!”

Peter watched Davy’s face as he contorted and started touching the stain himself. At first the look read as confusion to what the marking was. Then Peter swore he noticed a look of panic wash over Davy’s face which was quickly replaced by blankness.

“Huh, well what do ya know. I have no idea what that is.”

Peter clenched his teeth and willed himself not to rip that shirt collar off.

“Really? No clue what that could be.”

“No, I mean washing dishes is a dirty job so you know maybe ketchup or spaghetti sauce…”

“Interesting ideas…because it looks like lipstick to me!” Peter yelled.

Not only did it look to be the consistency of lipstick, it was also in the shape of half a lip.

“That’s impossible. Where would lipstick have come from?”

“I don’t know, you tell me.”

Davy turned around to face Peter instead of looking at their reflections. “Are you insinuating that I got this recently from someone?”

“Well it sure didn’t appear there out of nowhere and it isn’t from me.”

Davy was quiet, but Peter could see the red coming into his face. “I do not like these accusations.” His words were calm but Peter knew better.

“It’s my fault really. I guess I can blame myself and my blind optimism for thinking that you’d actually commit to me completely. You’re nothing but a heartbreaker…that’s really bad at lying,” Peter stumbled through the insult.

“That was uncalled for.”

“Was it though? Because everything is coming together for me; being elsewhere, not wanting to spend as much time with me. You’ve got someone else. That’s how you are when you date multiple people. Can’t stay with just one, that’s your pattern. Guess mine is not the first heart broken in your killing fields.”

“So you’re going to point of my past flaws as if I don’t already know them and haven’t been working towards being different for you?”

“Doesn’t look to be that way.”

“I can’t keep having this conversation with you over and over again,” Davy finally broke and began shouting. “I can’t continue to soothe your insecurities because you can’t help yourself from jumping to conclusions. I thought we were done with all of this and we were moving forward for the better after our talk yesterday.”

“That was before you came home with lipstick on your collar.”

“You and I both aren’t certain what this is!” Davy said lifting the collar

Peter didn’t answer right away. He now had his answer and knew what had to be done. The conversation was going to have to end so that he could gather some hard evidence. Also, just on the slight off chance that things were not as they seemed, he needed to keep himself in Davy’s good graces. This was going to be a difficult one to play off since emotions were running high on both sides and he couldn’t just pretend like everything was going to be okay. If he knew Davy though he knew that the Brit was going to need some time away.

“You’re right,” Peter attempted to soften his tone. “I don’t know anything for sure. I’m jumping to conclusions. I just love you so much that the thought of losing you is too much to bear.”

Davy seemed taken aback by the sudden change of demeanor. “I can’t keep coming back to accusations and I’m offended that you don’t trust me.”

Peter had him right where he wanted him now. “I know that’s not fair to you. Especially when you were so open with me yesterday. So you forgive me?”

Just as Peter suspected, there was a long pause from Davy. Peter knew that he was angry enough to not want to accept the apology right this moment.

“I think I need some time alone to think about this. It was all so much and I’m honestly overwhelmed and don’t want to say or do anything I’ll regret.”

“I get it.”

With that, Davy walked out of the room. Peter waited until he heard another door shut and then quickly sprang into action. He ran out into the common area and pulled Micky off the couch.

“Come on, we’ve got some espionage work to do.”

Micky sighed. “Good thing I knew better than to change out of this outfit.” Micky grabbed his bag of supplies as they headed in the direction of Davy’s sulking.

* * *

 

Micky and Peter had been tailing Davy in their matching black outfits for ten minutes already. Peter for the life of him had no idea where Davy was off to. He wasn’t even familiar with the area they were in, usually the guys hung around the same haunts so this was out of character.

“Man, I wish we hadn’t worn black today,” Micky said pulling at his shirt collar, “It’s so hot! And I didn’t know Davy could walk so fast on his little legs. He wasn’t going this fast the other night.”

“I think that’s because this time he has anger fueling his energy level.”

“What even happened? You were just about ready to throw in the towel with the whole spying thing and now you’ve got a newfound fighting spirit.”

“I guess like Davy, it’s easy to be motivated to do something when you’re angry.”

“Angry about what exactly?”

Peter sighed. “He came home with lipstick on his collar.”

“That sounds accurate…oh but that’s not good because that means he might be cheating.”

“Ding ding.”

“Are you sure that it’s not old though? I mean that guy has had his fair share of the ladies and God knows he’s come home like that before.”

“Be that as it may, all the stuff adding up together spells trouble. And like you said earlier this will give me peace of mind. If it’s nothing then I can start working through my trust issues, if not then…” Peter trailed off.

“Then what?”

“I haven’t gotten that far yet. Wait, wait, he stopped!”

Peter and Micky ducked behind some bushes across the street from the house Davy was approaching. It was a nice neighborhood near the local university. It was a big house with funny looking letters on the side.

“Hand me the binoculars,” Peter demanded.

“Aye, aye sir!” Micky stated. “Hmm wonder why Davy is at a sorority house.”

“Is that what this place is?”

“Yeah, see it has the Greek letters on the side. Sigma Kappa, it looks like.”

“That’s why I keep you around; you’re a wealth of useless information.”

“Just doing my job.”

Peter looked through the binoculars and Micky made faux binoculars with his fingers. They watched as Davy stood for moment looking as if he was trying to compose himself before walking up the walk towards the front door. He was shaking his hands and seemed very on edge to Peter. It made sense since they just had an argument, but this seemed to be something more. Even though Peter couldn’t see his face to know what exactly was happening, he could tell that Davy was nervous and seemed to be breathing quickly. Davy heaved one heavy sigh and rang the doorbell. Who happened to answer the door but none other than Daisy. When she saw that it was Davy, she jumped into his arms and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. Davy put her back down and was talking. They both ended up walking inside the house.

Peter lowered the binoculars slowly to reveal an all too familiar sight when it came to Davy. Tears in his eyes.


	7. Chapter 7

Micky and Peter had walked home in silence. Micky was a chatterbox usually, but Peter thought he was perceptive enough to know that Peter needed quiet. He was grateful for that. When all was said and done Peter was glad that he had asked Micky to help in this process. It was beneficial to have another person present in case and when everything fell apart. Doing this alone would have been difficult. And although Micky could be tedious at times, he was sensitive to the needs of others. He seemed to know when to let Peter be alone with his thoughts as well as provide comic relief to keep the situation light. Plus, Peter knew if he had asked Mike, firstly Mike wouldn’t have approved of the mission to begin with and secondly he probably would have lectured Peter the whole time if they did happen to go through with spying.

When they arrived back at the pad, Micky had made an effort to get Peter talking and offered to lend an ear to come up with a plan. Peter had thanked him for the offer but knew he needed to do things alone. Micky obliged and Peter had been a ball of nervous energy in his room. He knew straight away that there was nothing that could be done to salvage this relationship.

It was an interesting feeling knowing that things were over. One the one hand, Peter was devastated. He had loved Davy for all this time and had finally been able to call the man of his dreams his very own. Was he really the man of Peter’s dreams though? Davy had checked all the boxes initially; handsome, sweet, loving. There was more that Peter was looking for besides that. He needed someone honest, loyal, and trustworthy. Clearly, Davy had demolished that image of himself in one fell swoop.

Peter also felt anticipatory and anxious. He had to confront Davy about all this and the sooner the better. Micky had agreed to keep Mike occupied out of the house as soon as Davy came home so that the two could have some privacy. Peter’s heart was pounding in his chest. He didn’t think he’d ever been so nervous to see anyone in his life. Sure after the letters had been found Peter had been nervous about Davy and what he was going to say or do. That was sad-anxious. This situation was different. It was sad-anxious-angry. Peter was nervous to have the conversation, but more about what he himself was going to say or do. He had no control over Davy’s actions and frankly today he didn’t care what Davy had to say. There was no way he could talk himself out of this one. Peter was just hoping he himself could maintain some semblance of decency. He didn’t get angry often, but today with all this build up he was at that point and knew what he was capable of.

Peter had been pacing himself, breathing in and out slowly and deliberately. He didn’t even want to think about some things that he was going to say because he knew that would fuel his fire. Plus, he didn’t know exactly how Davy was going to respond and that would dictate how he himself would proceed. Davy usually tried to sweet talk himself out of situations and apologize promising to do things differently. Peter wouldn’t be falling for that same song and dance this time. It was going to be an altogether new experience for everyone involved.

The waiting was the worst part. It was agonizing. Trying to keep the emotions at bay while knowing what was too come. Seriously, how long was he going to be seeing that home wrecker?  No, that wasn’t fair to Daisy. She had no idea what was going on. She was being duped just as bad as Peter was…No worse. Because she didn’t know anything about the other relationship and Peter did. He guessed ignorance was bliss for her and she could go about being with an unattached Davy now, which who knew if that was different or the same. Peter didn’t really care.

“Mike, would you be willing to escort me to the bowling alley tonight?” Micky practically screamed so that Peter would be warned that Davy was approaching.

Peter’s stomach sank like a heavy anchor was attached to it. This was it. No turning back. He first wanted to see how Davy played his arrival back home. Since he had left after a fight before, Peter wasn’t sure if he’d have anything left to say about that. He was going to be quiet and then strike the unsuspecting scoundrel. The door knob turned and a despondent looking Davy entered. Peter was annoyed just by the look of him. Davy always seemed to make a production of his emotions. Davy seated himself on his own bed.

“Hey, sorry I ran out like that earlier. I just needed time to think and cool down. I felt attacked and bombarded as soon as I walked in the door.”

Peter sat stone faced. He didn’t want Davy to know his emotions nor for him to think he was mad about what happened earlier. He did his best to look guilty, but he wasn’t sure if it was convincing or not.

“I was thinking about how I would have reacted if I were in your shoes. I’m in a relationship with someone who is known to be a ladies man, he had a fake girlfriend for some time, and things haven’t been the smoothest sailing lately. I get it. I can’t know exactly what you feel, but I do know that it makes sense to me. I’m going to do what I can to make this better between us. Because I love you.”

Davy smiled a polite smile and waited for Peter to speak up. Peter did no such thing for the moment and he noticed a look of unease flash across Davy’s face.

“Seems like you may still feel bad about what happened earlier. Don’t worry, Mate, we all make mistakes. I know I’ve made my share during this whole thing. The important thing is that we work together to set things right again. Don’t you think?”

Peter gave a slight nod. Sure, they needed to work together to talk things through. Which is exactly what they were going to do.

“I think the best thing about right now is that we’re not fighting. That’s been too familiar lately. I forgot what it was like to not be in that place,” Davy laughed a nervous chuckle. “I think we need to do something together. Do you think if we left now we could catch Micky and Mike at the bowling alley before they even start?”

Davy got up and touched Peter’s shoulder on the way. He milled about the room for a moment combing his hair and grabbing some money off his nightstand. He was about to open the door, when Peter broke the silence.

“No.”

Davy paused and turned around. It was obvious by the tone of the word that it wasn’t the answer to Davy’s question about catching up to Micky and Mike. This ‘no’ was something else altogether. Davy waited for Peter to continue.

“Don’t just walk away, pretending everything’s okay.”

Davy stayed turned around by the door he made no attempts to move forward. “How would I be pretending everything is okay? I thought we had patched up that incident from earlier. I apologized what more do you want?”

Peter stood himself. He felt like he needed to be on a level playing field as Davy. Standing made him feel more powerful, even though inside he was crumbling more than he had thought he would be. He cleared his throat in an attempt to push the tears back. It worked.

“Wow, you say you’re sorry and that angelic look on your face comes out just when you need it to. You’re looking so innocent I might believe you if I didn’t know.”

“I’m sure I don’t know what exactly you’re getting at.” Davy had a general look of confusion on his face. It made Peter angrier that it seemed as though Davy couldn’t even fathom that Peter could have found out about this transgression.

“You do know. I just don’t believe that you think I know.”

“Stop speaking in riddles and just come out and say what you’re going to say. I’m honestly emotionally drained from this today.”

“Ditto,” Peter snapped. “I’m talking about Daisy.”

Davy’s face flinched slightly but he didn’t let up much. “The fake relationship has been over for quite a while, you know that.”

“You must think I’m really the dummy. I know it isn’t over I’ve seen you two together twice in the past few days.”

All the color drained from Davy’s face. He could no longer hold the poker face that he had. A look of panic mixed with anger flashed over his face.

“So you’ve been spying on me?” Davy yelled.

“Funny that this is your main concern, but um no it didn’t start out that way. A couple days ago, I decided to surprise you by walking you home from the shelter. I was trying to figure out which door to wait by to make sure you saw me. I peeked in a window and saw you two kissing.”

Davy looked straight forward. He now had a stone faced look that was impossible to read.

“I was distraught,” Peter continued. “I couldn’t believe that the love of my life would do such a thing to me. Then I started to doubt myself. What if I really didn’t see what I thought? I needed to be sure. So yes after that I did spy on you. Only twice. I didn’t see anything the first time and I started to think that I was being too hasty. I decided to quit while I was ahead. That was until the lipstick incident earlier. There was absolutely no way that was anything else but lipstick. Try as you might have to convince me, I knew better. So I pretended to patch things up as you say. I needed evidence and I for sure got that when you went Daisy’s house this afternoon.”

Peter could tell Davy was flustered. He was turning red and his eyes were darting around the room. He couldn’t make eye contact with Peter. Truthfully, Peter didn’t even want to look at him. Davy disgusted him at the moment. After everything he had done and he had the nerve to play dumb about the situation.

“What do you have to say for yourself? And don’t even think you’re going to turn this around on me about not spying on you. We are _way_ beyond that point.”

Davy sighed. “Sorry.”

“You can tell me that you’re sorry but I don’t believe you like I did before. You’re not sorry,” Peter huffed.

“I am though. Look, I told you yesterday that this relationship was getting to be smothering. I never did break up with Daisy, alright. I just distanced myself from her. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. The thought of being with one person for an extended amount of time scared me. I needed her as a cushion. You were becoming too needy for me and I needed to get away. I knew Daisy volunteered at the shelter and that seemed like the perfect escape. I didn’t have to be Peter’s boyfriend there. I didn’t have to feel smothered. I knew it was wrong and unfair to you but I couldn’t stop. It felt so relieving to be with someone else and able to be out in public with that person. It wasn’t her. I didn’t love her like I love you. Which is why after our fight, I went her house to end things. That’s what you saw. I realized that yes things may not be perfect between us, but there’s no one I’d rather navigate imperfection with than you. I love you, Babe.”

“Do you honestly expect me to believe we could ever be the same?”

“I would take everything back if I could.”

“Saying you’ll take it all back, it was a moment of weakness. But you know what you did it anyway and you’re thinking we’ll be fine again but not this time around. I keep giving you chances to ‘make thing right’ and all you do is let me down. This is the last straw; I don’t want to hurt anymore.”

“But you won’t hurt anymore,” Davy began pleading. “I’ve seen the error of my ways and I’m wanting to move forward, work it out. We can’t give up on this.”

“You’re on your knees begging for forgiveness and begging for me to be with you. It’s just like I always wanted, but I can’t do this anymore. You made your choice and I made mine. Just because you can’t live with yours doesn’t mean you can guilt trip me for living with mine.”

“I’m not guilt tripping you,” Davy insisted. “I just can’t believe you’re willing to give something like this up.”

“Me give this up? Excuse me, but you’re the one that gave this up. You should’ve thought twice before you let it all go. I stood here and watched you walk away from everything we had. Was it worth it?”

“Stop taunting me about this. I’m heartbroken about this as much as you are!”

“No, no I don’t think you are. Because I didn’t ask for this to happen to me. I was blindsided.”

“You should’ve had an idea that something wasn’t going to be right with you on top of me all the time! I needed some space to breathe.”

“Hey, take all the breathing space you need now. I’m gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.”

“Besides this small lapse I treated you well. We had something good going.”

“You’re right; this thing was a masterpiece til you tore it all up.”

Davy was quiet. It seemed like he didn’t have anything to say to that. Maybe he was just done arguing about it. There was nothing he could say or do to change Peter’s mind. But Peter was sure going to say what he had to get off his chest. He actually wanted more than anything to hurt Davy like he had hurt him.

“So, now that it’s over, I realize, those weak words you convinced me of were nothing but lies. Like night you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me. Were you just kidding? Was all of this just some kind of game to you?”

Davy crumbled to the floor at this statement. He sunk down with his back against the door and pulled his knees to his chest. He was quietly sobbing; Peter could tell by the way his shoulders were heaving. Peter thought that he had maybe gone a bit too far with that last comment. He wanted to hurt Davy but did he need to? This wasn’t like him. He felt disgusted with himself now. He sunk to a low level, but was not about to admit defeat. Before he could think of anything else to say, Davy composed himself a bit.

“I may have failed but I have loved you from the start,” he said shakily.

“Maybe I was naïve about this whole thing,” Peter said softening a bit. “I got lost in my image of you. I had so many dreams about you and me with happy endings. That’s the thing, I was a dreamer before you and you let me down. I used to have this daydream of you on a white horse coming to save me. But now it’s too late for you and your white horse to come and save me. I need to save myself.”

“Save yourself from me?”

“Yeah,” Peter said matter-of-factly.

“I promised that I would never give up on this relationship,” Davy said wiping the tears from his eyes.

“Honey, you gave up on this when you decided not to stop seeing her. So now everything we’ve had is coming down to being nothing. And that’s the real tragedy.”


	8. Chapter 8

Peter shut the pad door behind him. He began walking a familiar route. Although there was nothing familiar about where he was going. He began wringing his hands together and fished the piece of paper out of his pocket that he must have read over 30 times just making sure that he was seeing everything accurately.

It had been three months since that conversation with Davy had taken place. After they both said everything that needed to be said, they had to figure out what they were going to do. Staying in the same room now was out of the question. There were just too many hurt feelings and uncomfortableness.

Mike didn’t necessarily help the situation either. The pair decided that the right thing to do was to let the band decide as a unit what was the best course of action. All Mike could do was lecture and bombard them with ‘I told you so’s.’ That wasn’t what an emotionally drained Peter and Davy had needed at that moment, but they understood where he was coming from. Micky was nothing but supportive, although he was Team Peter so he was giving Davy the cold shoulder.

Together they determined the best course of action was to temporarily make some changes and revisit things eventually to see if they could move forward. Of course things would never be back to the way they were before and there could be a new normal that would make the band functional again. Davy agreed since he was the party at fault that he would be the one to take a hiatus from The Monkees. It made the most sense since the band could work around a lack of maracas and tambourine more easily than they could a bass. There were also enough songs that Davy didn’t sing to make it through any gigs that potentially would come their way.

Peter knew that Davy had nowhere to go living wise since he was from across the pond. He was the bigger person and suggested that Davy remained living at the pad under certain conditions. Firstly, they wouldn’t be sharing a room anymore. Davy’s punishment was that he had to share a room with Micky, which Micky was not too thrilled about initially but got over pretty quickly. Second, Davy was to make himself scarce around the pad. This seemed a little harsh, but Peter couldn’t bear to be around him too much. Lastly, Davy was not to engage Peter in conversation unless it was completely necessary. Peter felt like these rules made him seem like cruel and like he couldn’t handle things, but he hadn’t actually came up with the rules. Davy did. He said it was the least he could do since he had greatly messed things up. And he hoped that over time everything could be different.

Peter passed April’s Laundromat and thought of the simpler times. He would give anything for things not to be as complicated. He stopped in front of a vacant shop window next to the laundromat and checked out his clothing and hair. Why was he so jittery right now? He looked fine but he was scrutinizing every minute detail. That’s what happened when he was nervous though he overthought everything.

The living arrangement had been going fair. There were some bumps in the road in the beginning of awkward run ins and Davy having to abruptly leave the pad when Peter decided he was staying in for the night. Peter couldn’t help but feel bad about the way things had turned out, but then again the only thing he was at fault for was trusting that the relationship was going to work out.

They had had a few gigs as a trio which went smoothly. All three of them could agree though that it felt like something was missing. Mike or Micky would dare not ask Peter if he was ready to reconsider things yet. They were letting Peter work through things in his own time and he appreciated that. He wanted to give himself the proper amount of time to heal his broken heart. Even though he felt an obligation to make everything better, he also knew that it was important to be selfish right then and work on himself.

Yep everything was going as well as could be unexpected under the circumstances. That was until yesterday, when Peter’s world got turned a bit upside down. When he awoke in the morning there was an envelope shoved under the front door, much like the false invitation to play at that mansion all those months ago. This time though the letter was for Peter only.

Peter now took that letter out of his pocket to read for the 31st time:

_Dear Peter,_

_I hope you are doing well. I am writing because I am hoping that you could agree to meet with me to talk. It has been quite some time and I feel like there are some things that I’ve been needing to get off my chest. I understand if you are not up for it. Whether you decide to or not I will be waiting at Antonio’s on Wednesday at 4. I hope to see you there._

Peter looked at his watch. 3:55. He was almost there. This was crazy. He wasn’t even quite sure what was going to be talked about or even what he himself was looking to get out of this encounter. All he knew was that the fact that this letter existed meant something to him. He took a deep breath and walked through the restaurant’s double doors. There standing up next to a table in the back of the room was Davy.

To be continued…


End file.
